daily prompt · love · mental health · napowrimo · poem · poetry · recovery · travel

quarter pieces

cut me into fractions, here is how I bleed
split into parts, ready to proceed

quarter piece broken, dirty eyes down below
under guise of procedure, no heed to my no

quarter piece guarded, unbreakable wall
waiting for disasters to make landfall

quarter piece survivor, crawl on my knees
seeking sanctuary in the breadth of your trees

quarter piece traveller, passport in hand
save myself from the brink of no man’s land

i am more than the sum of these parts, i agree
but without knowing these parts you’ll never know me

daily prompt · love · mental health · poem · poetry · recovery · travel

warning bells

i am trying to explain flashbacks to you without sounding ludicrous.
it doesn’t matter this was years ago.
it doesn’t matter that it could have been worse.
the terror lies partly in those coulds,
the insidious possibilities that stole my safety from me.

i don’t know how to explain that i know it’s not helpful.
my panic. my overabundance of caution.
the gnawing reminder that the security of home is merely
an illusion.

i am trying to imagine your response when i tell you
i hold these flashbacks in one hand and positivity in another.
these new traits that cracked my soul and let empathy out.
these memories that finetuned the strings of my street-smarts.

the warning bells might never go away.
and i’m trying to envision how you might
love that part of me too.

{via daily prompt}

daily prompt · love · mental health · poem · poetry · recovery · travel

Like a passport

Who defines the line between foreign and domestic?
Where is the threshold between what is new and what is familiar?
Big men in big houses pick the box in which I fit
Their ambitions pulling the trigger on the gun that
decides if I am allowed to enter.

Like a passport I hold the signs of borders forced upon me
Signs that maintain separation from my neighbours.
My spine worn from the whiplash of being open
stamped
and returned to me.
Whose job is it to determine my worth for entry?

Now I collect stamps with pride.
I’m not the six year old who folded in on herself
after learning her body was not a safe place.
Big men in big houses be damned, I am a miracle
holding a worn spine but still standing.

I define whose stamps adorn me now.

{daily prompt: foreign}floral1

daily prompt · love · mental health · poem · poetry · recovery · travel

Imagine my surprise

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I’m 18
a history riddled with depression and
violence
imagine my surprise when you feel
Safe.

I’m 19
starting fights
testing your resolve
daring you to leave
imagine my surprise when you
Stayed.

I’m 21
cuddling on my couch
you ask why I am crying
and I say I wish I knew
imagine my surprise when you
Held on tight.

I’m 25
high dose of zoloft
a regimen of exercise and therapy to
maintain stability
you kiss my cheek and tell me
you have never loved me more
imagine my surprise, you still make me
Blush.

daily prompt · mental health · poem · poetry · recovery · travel

You are my headphones

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Life is loud.

It is the rumbling drum of people walking through,

the screeches of unrealized potential,

the incessant whispering of shoulds and coulds.

Life is messy.

It is the spilt milk of mistakes,

the crash of unexpected reality,

the splatter of insecurity that

follows us like an old friend.

Life is chaotic.

It’s unpredictable.

It’s vulnerable.

And yet,

at the end of the day

this is just noise.

I tune it out and

all I can see is

you.

Thank you

for being here, for

staying

even when it was hard.

Even when you didn’t have to.

Life is loud,

and messy

and chaotic

and noisy,

and you

are the headphones that help me through it.

daily prompt · mental health · poem · poetry · recovery · travel

I don’t know when it happened.

I don’t know when it happened.

For years

I crawled through the shit searching

for meaning

for purpose

for answers

an explanation for why I am this way.

Why do I hurt this way?

I thrashed at the bars holding me back

wondering if I built the cage

myself.

And yet slowly

painfully

I found the key

unlocked the door

kept crawling

and suddenly

healing

is within my

grasp.

The answer was within me all along.

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