mental health · poem · poetry · recovery

daddy issues

I don’t know if I forgive you.

And maybe I don’t want to know.

Maybe our history sits like smoke

That won’t leave my lungs.

I don’t know how I want to die.

But man, smoke inhalation’s not really my jam.

And maybe the tendrils of your apology

Are filled with poison that rip my tears apart.

I don’t know if I want you in my life.

And maybe that’s where I need to be.

Or maybe this is another way you control me,

By offering something so worthless.

And maybe forcing my hand is another act

Of violence done with a smirk on your face.

daily prompt · love · mental health · poem · poetry · recovery · travel

warning bells

i am trying to explain flashbacks to you without sounding ludicrous.
it doesn’t matter this was years ago.
it doesn’t matter that it could have been worse.
the terror lies partly in those coulds,
the insidious possibilities that stole my safety from me.

i don’t know how to explain that i know it’s not helpful.
my panic. my overabundance of caution.
the gnawing reminder that the security of home is merely
an illusion.

i am trying to imagine your response when i tell you
i hold these flashbacks in one hand and positivity in another.
these new traits that cracked my soul and let empathy out.
these memories that finetuned the strings of my street-smarts.

the warning bells might never go away.
and i’m trying to envision how you might
love that part of me too.

{via daily prompt}